I do?

I have been having an internal battle for the last couple weeks and my best friend's wedding a few months ago solidified my feelings. It was such a privileged to be a part of their big day. I have watched their relationship blossom into what is now a marriage.  I could not pick someone better suited for my best friend.

In the last few weeks I have watched people start new relationships that have become hot and heavy pretty quick.  I think that there is absolutely nothing wrong with this, but for me it is not what I want. I have been in relationships where there has been talk of marriage and as I get older it has become something I do with caution. I believe marriage is a once in a lifetime thing (with rare exceptions). My intention is getting married is to only get married once. It seems now days that marriage is not taken seriously enough. God's plan for marriage is very different than what society tells us it is. I have developed a (probably unhealthy) fear of marriage. I think a fear of marriage to an extent is a good thing.  I think marriage is a serious and wonderful blessing from God.  People all too quickly think if this doesn't work I can always get a divorce. That is not an option to me.  If I make a promise to someone I keep it. I also believe if you love someone enough to marry them, you find someone to make it work. I would move mountains to save my marriage. I know there are many people who think that counselling is a bad thing. I, however, do not, as I have had to go myself. I think God blesses us with people to advise us (whether it be in the bible, friends or outside council). I know that God has a plan and will look out for you. It is not in his plan to fail, but to know when something is bigger than ourselves and when we need help.  A pastor at our church reminds us that our kids are not our own, but his. I think that this is somewhat true for marriage too. God does not want to see us fail, but to see us trust in him. I will not go into marriage blindly. I know it will be hard and something that requires constant work from both parties, but i think keeping a marriage alive is doable.

My grandparents have been married over 50 years, my aunt and uncle have been married over 30 years and my parents over 25 years. In today's society 25 years is an eternity. I hate to break it to you, but it really isn't. I know they have all had their struggles, but in the end they have found a way to keep their marriage alive and are all happily married right now.

A friend and i were talking about being married for 50 years and how great it will be to grow old with someone. I look forward to having someone by my side for the rest of my life.

Reflection

I don't know if it is just that time of year or what, but today I read through some of my old blog posts. I am sad to say I am still the same old me. (I may have crossed a few things off my bucket list, but that is about it) I hate to say it, but I am not sure I will ever get better at taking time for me.  The one thing my boyfriend ever gets mad at me for is that I don't do things for myself. He sees me work so much that I really don't have a ton of time for myself. I am not one that usually needs much me time, but I may have gone without it for so long I don't remember what it is like. I have found ways to do things for other people and do things I love at the same time. I am notorious for making Christmas presents and this year was no exception. I finished wrapping them last night at 10pm. I also get to help my friend, who is getting married in June. I do not get to help with that day to day wedding planning, but I have been able to help make signs and other crafts. Miss Molly and I are attempting to read books together. (we tried to start a book club a while back and it didn't turn out to well for us)  I can say that in the past week or so I have started and finished 3 books. I love finding a good book; it has sparked my love for reading again.
I have also been better about going to church. There have been a few weekends that I have been out of town, but that has been the only reason I missed that. I am sad to say that I have been working too much and have not gone to small group. I can tell this has been affecting me.  I so badly desire to have that again and I am looking forward to the start of the new year. The past couple months have been very trying for me and I think the next few will continue to be. I am determined to start reading my bible more and getting back in the word. It seems to help put your life in perspective.
So here is to a new leaf. (I am not about new years resolutions...as you can see I do not hold them up well at all). However, I am not opposed to trying to change, whether it be new years day or any day of the year. I usually try around my birthday because that is my new year. So today is just as good as any other day!