I do?

I have been having an internal battle for the last couple weeks and my best friend's wedding a few months ago solidified my feelings. It was such a privileged to be a part of their big day. I have watched their relationship blossom into what is now a marriage.  I could not pick someone better suited for my best friend.

In the last few weeks I have watched people start new relationships that have become hot and heavy pretty quick.  I think that there is absolutely nothing wrong with this, but for me it is not what I want. I have been in relationships where there has been talk of marriage and as I get older it has become something I do with caution. I believe marriage is a once in a lifetime thing (with rare exceptions). My intention is getting married is to only get married once. It seems now days that marriage is not taken seriously enough. God's plan for marriage is very different than what society tells us it is. I have developed a (probably unhealthy) fear of marriage. I think a fear of marriage to an extent is a good thing.  I think marriage is a serious and wonderful blessing from God.  People all too quickly think if this doesn't work I can always get a divorce. That is not an option to me.  If I make a promise to someone I keep it. I also believe if you love someone enough to marry them, you find someone to make it work. I would move mountains to save my marriage. I know there are many people who think that counselling is a bad thing. I, however, do not, as I have had to go myself. I think God blesses us with people to advise us (whether it be in the bible, friends or outside council). I know that God has a plan and will look out for you. It is not in his plan to fail, but to know when something is bigger than ourselves and when we need help.  A pastor at our church reminds us that our kids are not our own, but his. I think that this is somewhat true for marriage too. God does not want to see us fail, but to see us trust in him. I will not go into marriage blindly. I know it will be hard and something that requires constant work from both parties, but i think keeping a marriage alive is doable.

My grandparents have been married over 50 years, my aunt and uncle have been married over 30 years and my parents over 25 years. In today's society 25 years is an eternity. I hate to break it to you, but it really isn't. I know they have all had their struggles, but in the end they have found a way to keep their marriage alive and are all happily married right now.

A friend and i were talking about being married for 50 years and how great it will be to grow old with someone. I look forward to having someone by my side for the rest of my life.

Reflection

I don't know if it is just that time of year or what, but today I read through some of my old blog posts. I am sad to say I am still the same old me. (I may have crossed a few things off my bucket list, but that is about it) I hate to say it, but I am not sure I will ever get better at taking time for me.  The one thing my boyfriend ever gets mad at me for is that I don't do things for myself. He sees me work so much that I really don't have a ton of time for myself. I am not one that usually needs much me time, but I may have gone without it for so long I don't remember what it is like. I have found ways to do things for other people and do things I love at the same time. I am notorious for making Christmas presents and this year was no exception. I finished wrapping them last night at 10pm. I also get to help my friend, who is getting married in June. I do not get to help with that day to day wedding planning, but I have been able to help make signs and other crafts. Miss Molly and I are attempting to read books together. (we tried to start a book club a while back and it didn't turn out to well for us)  I can say that in the past week or so I have started and finished 3 books. I love finding a good book; it has sparked my love for reading again.
I have also been better about going to church. There have been a few weekends that I have been out of town, but that has been the only reason I missed that. I am sad to say that I have been working too much and have not gone to small group. I can tell this has been affecting me.  I so badly desire to have that again and I am looking forward to the start of the new year. The past couple months have been very trying for me and I think the next few will continue to be. I am determined to start reading my bible more and getting back in the word. It seems to help put your life in perspective.
So here is to a new leaf. (I am not about new years resolutions...as you can see I do not hold them up well at all). However, I am not opposed to trying to change, whether it be new years day or any day of the year. I usually try around my birthday because that is my new year. So today is just as good as any other day!

Busy Body

So I know it has been a while.  This summer has been super crazy. I did actually get to take a vacation, which was a total blast.  The family I nanny for took me to Catalina Island.  The kids were awesome and made the trip fun for their mom and me. I have had friends come in and out of town and that has to be my favorite part of the summer thus far.  I had girls weekend this past weekend and it was so nice to get away for a few days and not worry about the million things that I need to get done in 2 seconds.  This upcoming weekend I am off to California for my best friend’s wedding! I am not only excited to get to be a part of their big day and to witness them starting a life together; I also get to spend 3 days with my most dear friends! It isn’t very often we are all together and to have a 2 and 3 night sleep over with them is going to be wonderful!!

 I am feeling very blessed through the all of stress and rain storm that’s been pouring through my life.  I know it will be funny looking back at how much I stressed and worried about all the things that have happened the last week or so. I will spare all the details, but it was just one thing after another.  Praying another thing doesn’t happen today J

What a Weekend

After listening to some most needed advice, I had a fantastic weekend. I actually had a weekend for starters. The kiddos were gone, so I got off work at 3 on Friday! That was a great start. I went home and finished my book, took a nap, then got ready to go out. A group of us went to Mill to celebrate a birthday. I was driving, which is the way I like it. I had so much fun and it was so fun to see my friends have a good time.

Saturday I ran errands with my mom and then went to visit some old pool friends. I miss the pool, but not as bad as I thought I would. I miss the kiddos I got to watch grow up. I got to have a sleepover with Miss Molly! It was very much needed; I missed her.

Sunday I took Molly to breakfast, did a few things around the house; then it was time for Sunday Funday. We hung out by the pool and the boys grilled, got ice-cream and watched a strange movie! It was just so nice to have a weekend. I want to start doing this weekend thing more often. That’s one of my goals, maybe not every weekend, but most. I’m starting to claim my life back.

I did, however, realize that part of the reason I watch the kiddos so much is because my job is not fulfilling me. The kids help fill that gap of doing something you love. But I am only young once and I need to use this time to figure out what is most important in my life.

On a complete side note I always knew I was blessed to have such a great manager at the pool. He and I are super close. I have known him for the last 9 years!!! Super crazy, but he is a huge part of my story. Well not being at the pool this summer makes me sad. I miss him and his effect of making me feel silly when things upset me. He is level-headed, even tempered, fair, has great integrity, and the list could go on. It has been hard on me to not have him around. He is like a second dad to me and I know will always be there for me. It was a blessing and a curse to have him as a manger for 6 years and to know how a leader should lead by example. The curse part is no one really compares to him. I know I will never have a boss exactly like him, but I also know that there are great people out there. I am struggling with where the balance is. I think I hold people to a standard that they will never meet. So I am trying to find the balance and not be unhappy when things aren’t the way I think they should be.

God's Sense of Humor

The other day I was thinking about the backwards ways God has given me things I have desired in my life.  Maybe not the way I thought they would be, but I have definitely been granted a wish I never thought would come true.

The greatest example of this is wanting enough kids to make a baseball team. I know that might sound so ridiculously crazy to most.  I have the GREATEST great aunts and uncles.  There are nine total (aka a baseball team) there are about 25 years separating the youngest and the oldest.  Last summer I got to see all the siblings, but my grandma who is having her own party in Heaven.  To see how close they are and what they would do for each other warms my heart.  I have one brother and we aren't very close. I think I want a whole herd because I love the close knit feeling of being around them. Well guess what I have my own herd.  They might not all be related and none are technically mine even though I sometimes claim them.  I have multiple families who's kids I watch.  When you add them up I am at 10! So I even have an extra.  I had to laugh to myself when I figured out I did get my baseball team.  As badly as I want to have a boatload of children I won't have more than can be provided for. So I like to think of it as God's way of granting this crazy desire.  I would go to the moon and back for any of the kids without thinking twice. I know I am not their mother, but I care for them like family.

I have also always had a desire to marry.  I don't know if that is in God's plans for me.  I know right now it isn't in the near future and that is totally and perfectly fine with me.  In high school I was talking to a guy friend of mine as we were driving down the road.  He said something about the world ending or dying and I said I couldn't because I wanted to be married and have kids.  He jokingly said something about hey lets get married.  He put a ring on my finger and we pretended to be married for the rest of the car ride.  I know it's not super exciting, but it puts me at peace for now.  I know I am not in a place to be married and share my life with someone.  I would love to and hope I get that opportunity, but I know right now I have a lot of self work to do.

I think this is God's sense of humor saying, you get what you want, but it's in my time and terms.  It's such a sweet gift to know he loves and cares for us, but I like to think it is nice to know he isn't serious all the time.  I could be totally off the mark, but this is what I think about my God.

Too Busy Making a Living

Today I stumbled upon this and thought it went really well with my post from earlier this week.  I was also challenged a few weeks ago by my best friend's fiance to go out with everyone on a weekend! He said NO babysitting.  So guess what it's this weekend.  I am kiddo free this weekend, besides going to the movie with a friend and her daughters which totally doesn't count!! I can't wait to share about my FUN and stress free weekend!!!

I also think about the people that I know that work so much and what they miss out on!It frustrates me to no end, until I realized I am one of them but not anymore! This summer is all about change in a good and healthy way!! I don't want to look back and think about all the what ifs!  So here is to the start of many great new things!!!!! And to staying on top of them!!!

Change of Pace

After weeks of a slightly busier schedule followed by a week of pure hectic, my body decided it was done, finished, had enough of me. So no work for me last Friday.  I hate missing work and knew I was missing one of the worst possible days.  I rarely ever get sick, but in 2012 I have been sick more times than I have in the last 10 years combined!!!! It takes so much out of me and to completely recover takes forever.  So why don’t I just rest and not wear myself down.  That is a great question and something I have to keep better track of.  I am still feeling rather pokey and just not quite myself, but I did go to work yesterday and today.  I realize I need to start saying no…not because I don’t want to, but my body might not be able to.  This weekend I had to miss a very important birthday party, which I was super bummer about. I did get to see the birthday girl on her birthday, which was super awesome!

I think God keeps poking me and telling me hey what’s your deal. The problem is the first thing that has been going when I am busy is church.  It is starting to reflect in my life.  I am in a point in my life where I need and desire to go to church.  Thankfully the next two weeks are relatively calm and I can get back to normal.  Woohoo! During these weeks I am going to get my life back on track and on a good schedule.  After that I just need to keep it up.  I want to make time for my friends and things I enjoy.  I am only young once and I want to be able to be selfish and enjoy this time.So here is to starting a fresh and making time for the things most important! (and the dreaded "n word"!! I will learn to say no).

Bucket List

I (like many others I know) would love to know the ending of my story or at least a blip in the future, but that is never going to happen. When I read a book I just can’t wait to get to the end, but I can never skip a page, paragraph, sentence or word and if I do I go back and start over. In life I always want to be ten steps ahead of where I am. I decided I am going to start enjoying my life and living in the day. I know that this will not happen overnight, but I am going to put my best foot forward and try. I know there will be days when I fail, but I will embrace them. One of my favorite movie quotes is “Life is the messy bits” (from Letters to Juliet). I could not agree more. It is what you make of the failure that dictates your life, not the failure itself.


I’ve decided to make a bucket list. I am hoping sharing all of this will help keep me accountable. There are so many things I want to do and try and why not start now. Some may seem silly or trivial but that’s life! I have always been such a planner, but I realized some of my most fond memories are the spur of the moment ones. This is my journey to see/conquer the world one spontaneous (maybe some planned-because some need a little notice) act at a time. So here we go!!!


1. Go to Boston
2. Go to Michigan/Ohio
3. Go one day without worrying about the future
4. Go on a trip with a moment’s notice
5. Visit Kelley before she moves
6. Have a reunion trip with Kristen and Sarah
7. Get a tattoo with Sarah (and maybe Kristen J)
8. Go on a road trip with no plans of where your destination will be
9. Go to Santorini, Greece
10. Go to Australia
11. Go to grad school
12. Buy a house (hopefully by myself and soon!)
13. Live a day without fear and do something crazy
14. Go to Hawaii and do touristy stuff this time
15. Go to all 50 states
16. Visit every continent
17. Go to Spain to see Gaudi’s La Sagrada Familia
18. Learn to sew
19. Read all the classics
20. Become better acquainted with the state I live in-there are so many neat things to do here!
21. Live in a house I design
22. Design a building that makes a difference
23. Adopt a baby
24. Go to Chicago (now that I’m a grown up)
25. See Grease (the actual musical)
26. Go to the MOMA
27. See a show on Broadway
28. Do something I wouldn’t normally do
29. To be a fun mom (that builds forts, has sword fights, plays dolls, etc.)
30. Marry a man that makes me the best possible person I can be and challenges me everyday
31. Complete a triathlon
32. Learn self defense
33. Ride in a hot air balloon
34. Go parasailing
35. Go scuba diving
36. See the Northern Lights
37. Go to Switzerland
38. Go to the Louvre
39. Go to The Kremlin in Russia
40. Learn Swahili
41. Go to the Parthenon
42. Go to the Great Wall of China
43. Become an awesome photographer (so I can better document these adventures)
44. Go see Le Rev before my friend isn’t in it anymore
45. Get my PhD
46. Help special needs kids for a living
47. Make a positive difference in one person’s life
48. Stick to my guns always
49. Help with a Habitat for Humanity House
50. See Rascal Flatts in concert
51. Go to Monte Carlo, Monaco
52. Teach at a university
53. Decorate my house however I want (I am afraid a man not like it!)
54. Drive down a tree lined street in the fall (with the leaves falling)
55. Be better at forgiving
56. Visit NYC at Christmas time
57. Volunteer for a non-profit/ministry that helps with domestic violence and sexual abuse
58. Go to Vegas now that I am of legal age
59. Keep a plant alive
60. Be better about sending letters/cards
61. Go on a blind date
62. Fly first class
63. Read all the books on my nook and book shelf (this requires my mom stopping buying books!!)
64. Have a job I am passionate about
65. Enjoy my single life while I have it
66. Don’t wish time away-this I am quite fabulous at

This list will hopefully be a revolving door, as things get complete other things may be added…

I also wanted to add some of the cool things I have already done because they are that awesome…

1. Go to the Grand Canyon
2. St. Peter’s Basilica
3. The Coliseum
4. The Uffizi Gallery
5. The British Museum
6. The London Eye
7. The Tower of London
8. Saw Big Ben
9. Went into tons of buildings with dead people buried in them (at least that’s what my mom tells me I said)
10. Jump off a red Double Decker bus
11. The Smithsonian Museums
12. Golden Gate Bridge
13. Pike Place market
14. Empire State Building
15. Statue of Liberty
16. Waikiki Beach
17. Disneyland
18. Buy something on Fifth Ave
19. Go to Tiffany & Co. in NYC
20. See a show in NYC (it wasn’t on Broadway)
21. Go to both Coast of Canada
22. See Niagara Falls (both sides)
23. Go to Africa
24. Go on a mission with some awesome friends
25. Go to Italy and be able to enjoy the architecture
26. Help at an orphanage where I’d someday like to adopt a baby
27. Become an Interior Designer
28. Climb Il Duomo and go inside
29. Climb Duomo di Milano and go inside (they almost didn’t let me because I’m a hooch!)
30. Westminster Abbey
31. Celebrate birthday at the American Girl store in Chicago
32. Road trip to California with my bestie
33. Go to Hawaii
34. Vacationed and did absolutely nothing (woohoo for rainy Ohio days)
35. Visit Sedona
36. Go to Florida for a swim meet
37. Camped
38. Went on a cruise with friends and family
39. Graduated college in three years
40. Road down the Thames and found my dream home
41. Saw the Peter Pan Statue in London
42. Went to Time Square
43. Vatican City
44. Washington/Lincoln monuments in DC (something I don’t think I will ever forget)
45. Stayed in a penthouse suite in Vegas!
46. Resigned from a job I didn’t like
47. Survived a car accident with no injury (the paramedics thought I was ejected and possibly dead and all I wanted was to clean up the messJ)
48. Bury the hatchet with a man I will soon get to call my brother!
49. Visit a castle (Windsor in England)
50. Visit the Lowell Observatory and saw incredible stars 

51. Buy something in Chinatown NY

52. Go through a moving wall

53. Meet a total stranger and become best friends and partners in crime after spending 4 hours together!



I know there are plenty more and God blessed me with incredible parents that have helped provide for these as well as give me sound financial guidance.

Forgiveness

In getting to know new people, I have gotten to know myself better. One thing that has been on my mind is the fact that I don’t always give forgiveness easily. I struggle forgiving the people who I should be most willing to forgive. They are the people who will always be in my corner and I will always be in theirs. I hold some accountable to sometimes unrealistic standards. Some I hold to very low standards and they still come up short in my eyes. I have had such hard time forgiving. I know it hurts me more than them and I carry it around with me until I can say I forgive you. I know I don’t have to be ok with what they do, but I need to forgive them to set both them and myself free. I have experienced things in my life that I hope some people never experience. Through these things I hold grudges and can be incredible resentful. I sometimes blame those who wronged me for the place I am in. I have baggage, but I haven't met anyone that doesn't. It is what you do with the baggage you are given. These things I have gone through make up my story. A story God gave me to help others, but I have been slacking in this a lot lately. I have been so blessed by a gracious God that does not judge me for my short comings but loves me through them and forgives me always. In the place I am in I cannot think of a greater gift.

Just an update

I had a very fabulous and unproductive weekend.  I got to spend time with a friend I haven’t seen in a while and another that I just saw and usually don’t see often. 

Friday I had the kiddos….I got slushy in my hair from a tickle fight, we had a small kitchen fire (noodles), and a five year old swearing.  The oldest and youngest were super awesome, which makes my life easier.  After I left I got to support my friend at a craft fair (she even let me pay).  My favorite part of the night was picking up Ms. Molly to see the Avengers!  So awesome and I am so glad I got to see it with her. She is my movie buddy.

Saturday I hung out around the house (I was slightly productive), I got a late start on my spring cleaning.  I looked at a house. Then off to watch another set of my kiddos.  We had a pretty good night.  I came home and fell asleep on the couch watching a movie.

Sunday I got to spend the day shopping with one of my good friends.  We went to the outlet mall and got new Coach bags and I got some work clothes. We went back to her house and I played with her daughters and ate dinner.  I came home pooped thus my room is still a disaster.

As much as I have to do, it is nice to be able to enjoy time with the people who matter to me. I have a crazy kid packed week.  Today is my only day with no kids until Sunday! But I can’t wait.  I will try to share the crazy stories of watching them.

I have some craft projects planned for this week, so hopefully I can find time to do them and maybe even put them on here.

Nanny Diaries

I am giving a disclaimer for this post….if diapers and such freak you out you should probably stop now. 

Most days with my kiddos are completely fine, but every now and then we have a day like we did yesterday.  I can laugh about them after the fact, but in the moment I think what did I get myself into.  I’ll give you a brief description of the kids…

Mr. W is almost 3! And as stubborn as can be.  He talks up a storm and gives great kisses.

Mr. H is almost 6 and one of the most loving people I ever met.  He’s a lady’s man and can make your heart melt.

Ms. P is 8 ½ and in second grade.  She can be sweet as the dickens and so incredibly helpful or she can be your worst nightmare.

Just like everyone else they have their bad days/moments.  Usually I can roll with the punches, but yesterday was a lot to handle.

I get there and the boys are out back, but Mr. H comes in the house.  I ask where Mr. W is and Mr. H said he was outside pooping.  (Yes in the yard!)  We thought he was joking.  I saw Mr. W so I asked what he was doing and if he was pooping and of course he said no.  Then Ms. P is complaining about being starving!!!  (she ALWAYS says she is starving).   We got in a disagreement as to what is ok for a snack.  Meanwhile, Mr. W comes up and stinks!!!!! So I look in the back of his one hour old swim trunks and sure enough we’ve got skid marks.  We were off to the bathroom with clean under roos in hand. I got him all cleaned up and I was off to play with Mr. H.  I was reading him a book about how to be a gentleman, then he puts his arm around me and said I love you. He somehow started tickling my ear, which turned into tickle war and Mr. W just had to join in.  Well he STILL stunk so I look down and there are poop smears all over his legs!! Mr. H helped me clean up his little brother.  Ms. P has been yelling how she is starving and crabby like her mom (but in actuality her dad) because she is so, so hungry. Thank goodness it’s time to start dinner and we made it through without a hitch.  Little did I know it was just the calm before the storm.  I had Mr. H trying to take out the trash, but it was just too heavy and the bag ripped.  I asked him to get me a new bag (to double bag it), but he said he couldn’t because there was nowhere for the bag to go.  Finally Ms. P got me a bag and I got the trash out. When I lifted it off the ground there was a puddle, which caused the kids to flip out.  I told Mr. H to get dressed for his tee-ball game while I got the mess cleaned up.  As I am finishing up Ms. P came in yelling about Mr. H hitting her and her punching him.  (Can I tell you how much I can’t stand tattling!!). I sent them both to their rooms.  Left Mr. H in charge of dressing himself while I talked to Ms. P.  (I do NOT let Mr. W in their rooms when they are in trouble, which becomes a meltdown).  I talked to the missus and she said she threw the first punch.  I was trying to get to the bottom of the story when she stopped responding, so I left her to continue thinking about her actions.  She got mad and bossy, so I told her maybe she should act like an 8 year old (I don’t always have the best responses, but after the short hour and a half I’d like to see you do better!)  She starts to cry, so I must be on a roll, two of the three kids crying. I went in to talk to Mr. H and make sure he was getting dressed.  We had a good chat about not hitting back and how to put on baseball socks.  (not an easy task) Then I was saved by the mom!!!  But only for about 15 minutes.  Mrs. B and I had a chat about the kiddos behavior.  Ms. P wanted to go to the tee-ball game but had more homework.  She threw a royal fit about it and how she was taught to support her brother, but she wasn’t being given the opportunity to do so.  She hates to read and of course that is what she had left.  She told her mom she’d been working for hours and hours and hours.  At the end of their chat she said she was so mad she could break her tooth.  Obviously that didn’t go too far with mom or me.  So she was sent to her room to clean and read.  Mrs. B took Mr. H to the game and left me with two crying kiddos again!  I got Mr. W on track and we loaded the dishwasher! He was actually a good help and brightened my day. Ms. P started to get out of her funk and was slightly helpful after she finished her reading and cleaning. Oh and Mr. H's game went great! He hit a homer!!!!

Needless to say I ate cookies there and ice-cream when I got home. Don’t get me wrong I love those kids, but they can wear me down.  Now I can laugh about the day and think man we survived! I have little hope for my own kids being the slightest bit civilized, but I want them to enjoy being a kid while they can.  But don’t worry they will not be allowed to poop in the yard…I will draw the line somewhere

Miss M

She is the reason behind this blog.  She is the friend that is my sounding board.  She is the friend that tells me what I need to hear and not what I want to hear.  This is something I know I have been talking better advantage of lately.  She is a believer who has many of the same struggles I do.  It's nice to have someone going through the trenches with you.  She constantly reminds me I tend to overreact (I wear my heart on my sleeve more than I wish I did).

This weekend I got the opportunity to meet Miss Molly for lunch, which is never just lunch. We had such great conversation.  I love being able to talk about real stuff…yes we talk about the superficial stuff too.  But it is nice to have someone I can let my walls down with.  I know she genuinely cares for me and my well being and it was so nice to be able to see her! I accidentally made her cry, but I think it was a good cry.  I got to see her become slightly more vulnerable (something that scares her).  I got to see how deeply she cares for one of her dear friends and family.  We also got to talk about the quote below. In ways we are very much the same, but in others we could not be more opposite.  It has become a nice balance and we both have so much to learn from the other.

"A true friend is someone you can disagree with and still remain friends. For if not, they weren't true friends in the first place." 

---Sandy Ratliff

I truly appreciate our friendship and know God placed you in my life for a reason.  You constantly push me to see my flaws and encourage me to better myself.  You can dig through all the junk I say and really find the true issue in it all.  I have also had the opportunity to see you grow and struggle.  I am so proud of where you are at and the path I think you are continuing on. I really can't describe in words what you mean to mean, but I will continue to express my appreciation of you in my life.  I know I am probably leaving a lot out, but you will get to know more about her as the journey of my life goes on.

These pretty much sums up our friendship.

After my college graduation.

Love Letters

I have not always had the greatest track record with boys, but I will give myself credit of not giving up.  The last few guys I have dated have been long distance.  I know a lot of people think it’s so horrible and they could never do it.  I will tell you it is not easy by any means, but not impossible either.  I used to get codependent, which did make things incredibly difficult.  Long distance helps me keep my independent crazy lifestyle and not feel bad or become too dependent.  I found that long distance works well for me IF both parties are on the same page.  It is extremely difficult when there is a lack of communication. When you are apart communication is all you have.  I have had completely different schedules than the guy I was dating, so I would write letters.  I’ve written sweet, frustrated, sad, angry, and happy letters.  I didn’t realize until a few days ago that the only person I had ever got a return letter from was a friend who was deployed in Afghanistan.  When I saw them waiting for me when I got home I was so excited! I was happy to know he was safe, but also just to know someone out there was thinking about me.  The letters weren’t crazy exciting, just about the deployment.  He is home now and out of harm’s way (as much as he can be), thank goodness.  We got to talking the other day about how he is the only guy who has ever written me a letter. He seemed to get a little upset about that.  It didn’t really faze me until today.  I ran across this website through pinterest and LOVE the idea.  I thought I would share it all with you.  More Love Letter is a site that allows people to write and receive letters.  I also wanted to give you the back story of the girl who started it all Love Twenty...her story seems not that far fetched and feelings don't seem that far fetched.

I firmly believe writing love letters is a lost art.  I am a hopeless romantic and enjoy the little things.  It’s not about how big the diamond is, but the feelings and the words behind it.  I think it says something to take 5 minutes out of your day to write down how you feel about someone, whether it be a card or a letter, but do it long hand.  We are a society so focused on social media that I sometimes feel we forget how to connect with people.  So I have to thank my friend for reminding me how important it is to take that time out for the people that matter.

Friends for a Season

"Some friends come and go like a season. Others are arranged in our lives for good reason." 
---Sharita Gadison


If you know me well at all you know that I value my friendships and don't tend to let go easily.  As I am growing this is becoming a struggle for me. Just a tad more background on me....I am incredibly shy and absolutely hate strangers.  Even a grown up I still say stranger danger!  It's an ongoing struggle to find the balance.  I am getting better, but its taken my life thus far to get there. When you first meet me you could say I'm the b word because I just don't talk a lot. I have a guard the size of the Great Wall, but when it comes down it comes completely down.  I have come to the decision there needs to be some balance there too.

So back to the point...Last week I was talking to Miss M (she is my very valued sounding board and I am not quite sure what I would do without her) and she told me I do a horrible job guarding my heart.  Truthfully I can't say I disagree one bit.  I let people come and go in my life much more than I'd like to.  As I've been digesting this conversation and figuring out what is next I came across a huge road block.  I have friends who I have greatly impacted where I am in life today and have been there for a lot of the bad stuff. I would have never thought I'd say I think these friendships might have only been for a season.  It was a long season, but I see our lives going in very different directions.  I by no means wish bad or ill will on them.  (very rarely do I ever do such a thing and usually say I take it back right after I say it). My struggle with this friendships is finding a balance between guarding my heart and being a light to them.  They all know the Lord (in a not planned way almost all of my closest friends are believers and I am so incredibly blessed by that) but we are in different places in our walks.  I fell away when I was in high school until just recently.  I spent about four years living in the world and now I am in a vulnerable place and need more encouragement than I'd like to admit.  Don't get me wrong I don't think being a believer means you hide in a box from the world.  I do believe you have to know your struggles and to know how to best guard and protect yourself.  I know that my struggle may not be the same as someone else's and theirs may not be mine.  I am not judging people based on their struggles and I would hope they would not judge me, but that we could help guide and support each other.

This brings me back to where I stand in these friendships.  I will always love and support people I have grown close to (you can ask around, I can do it a little too much).  Do I think they are for a season?  If I am being truthful I have to say maybe or at least at this point it maybe a dry season.  All I know is I can continue to love, pray and support them, but I may have to do it at a distance. I have been continually supported by my fellow believers to know that it is in his hands.  And as much as it is sad for me to see friendships this way I know there is a bigger plan and He will take care of it.


"We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everyhwere." 
---Tim McGraw

Kristen

I know it is not midnight my time, but guess what it is in Michigan! 22 years ago one of my dearest friends was born.  I know our story might sound crazy to some of you.  I met my friend Kristen about a year and a half ago at the Marine birthday ball.  Both of our lives have changed drastically since that day.  We spent a total of about 4 hours (at best) together.  We haven't seen each other since, but I am desperately trying to get her to move here! For those of you who know me well, this wont shock you...after the ball we went to our separate homes and I decided to start chatting with her. Since then we are stuck like glue!  Very few days go by that we don't talk.  It's so nice to have her to vent to.  For those of you who don't have a best friend in a different state I highly recommend it. And now my love, you are on her way to being an old maid like me. :)

I value you so much and I am so glad we get to share our birthdays/half birthdays!  You have helped me through some of the hardest/saddest moments in my life.  I have also got to share the happiest/craziest moments with you. You let me vent to you and never complain.  Not a day goes by that I don't value our friendship. I'm so proud of the woman you are becoming.  I've got to watch you grow and see life change drastically and you remained strong.  You are one of the strongest people I know and you continue to become stronger.  You have encouraged me to be stronger and stick to my guns. I have got through some of the toughest times with you on the other end of the phone. I love you and value our friendship! You are about to graduate and start the next chapter of your life.  I am so happy for you and can't wait to see where your life takes you. I know it will only get better and you will understand the true depth of your strength. Happy birthday and first full day of summer!! (and almost gradation day)

Me, Sarah, and Kristen

The start of something good!

After much debating back and forth about starting a blog, today I broke down.  I am blessed to have such a wonderful, encouraging friend, that after reading a blog entry by her I was sold.  Here is her blog entry: No Boy Allowed.  I want to use this blog to not only document/share my journey with God, but also share other aspects of my crazy life. I am going to apologize now if I am not good about keeping this up to date.  I will try my hardest, but as you get a glimpse into the craziness you might be tad more understanding.

I have been completely blessed with the life I live and would like to share my journey.  I grew up in a Christian home and have lived life in all states of my walk with God.  In the last few months I have grown closer to him and have enjoyed the journey that I am on currently.  I believe He blessed me with both the good and the bad. I wholeheartedly believe that he has given me this story, these struggles, and these blessing to honor and glorify him.  Looking back at the struggles I have gone through; I am happy to see the growth.  I know I have a long way to go, but I am surrounded by beautiful woman who continue to encourage me in this walk.

Don't get me wrong, just like any other relationship I get angry with God.  I am only human and don't always like his will.  I am constantly struggling to let go of my control and let his will be done.  I don't think this is something that will go away easily, but I will continue to fight so he can take the lead.

Just a quick background of my life:

When I was six my parents up and moved our little four person family halfway across the country from our family.  I since then have made a family where I currently reside, but miss my family dearly. I attended college in the mountains of northern Arizona to earn a degree in Interior Design.  I worked in the field for just shy of a year and was constantly complaining about my job.  So about six weeks ago I left my job in the design world  to answer phones at a power company.I know it sounds so glamorous!  I decision I knew would alter my life forever and now I feel like a little kid trying to decide what will come next for me. I completely trusted in God in this decision and could not be happier.  I started nannying my kids I watched while going back to college.  (I took a whole summer off and decided back to school I go! Yes I know I am a weirdo...bare with me)  You will get to hear plenty of stories about all of them.  I am so proud of all the kids I am blessed to have in my life.  And yes like a mom I brag about them :).

Thanks for letting me share with you!

No temptation has overtake you except what is common to mankind.  And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.  But when you are temped, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.  1 Corinthians 10:13